When Someone You Love is Depressed by Xavier Amador & Laura Rosen

Author:Xavier Amador & Laura Rosen [Amador, Xavier]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Publisher: Free Press
Published: 2016-08-02T04:00:00+00:00

Five Effective Ways to Communicate with a Depressed Man

1. Don’t expect a depressed man to talk readily about what is bothering him. He may tend to keep his feelings inside and try to solve the problem by drinking or using drugs. Don’t push him to talk to you. Instead, let him know that you are there if he wants to talk about what is on his mind. You could say, “I’m concerned about you, but I don’t want you to feel any pressure to talk about what’s bothering you. I just want you to know that I’m here to listen if you need me.” Don’t ask question after question about his experience if he is slow to reveal it.

2. Be sensitive to his male ego and how important it is for him to feel self-sufficient. Remember that men are socialized to be independent. Just because he is depressed does not mean that he will be comfortable accepting your help. Respect his independence and do not continually check in with him about how he’s doing. Most important, do not baby him. You might say, “I know how hard it is for you not to be able to do everything you usually do. If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”

3. If he cant talk easily about his feelings, you might give him multiple choices to describe how he feels—for example, “Are you feeling angry, sad, or worried right now?” Most men will be able to pick one of the feelings or come up with his own description of how he feels. Talking about the feeling may then open up a whole dialogue about his experience of being depressed. Sometimes it is hard for a man to begin to open up, but if you provide the opportunity, he may seize the chance to share his feelings.

4. Share your experiences. It can be difficult to empathize with a man. When trying to do so, be mindful of how he is responding to your sharing your own similar experiences. Independence and self-sufficiency are very important to men. He may be reluctant to equate his feelings with yours because he experiences it as a sign of weakness. Or he may feel as if he should clam up about his own depression and focus instead on your experiences. Alternatively, he may feel competitive about whose problems are worse. This is not to say that you cannot draw on your own experiences in empathizing with a depressed man, but remain watchful of his reactions.

5. Try to engage in some active problem solving. If you talk about how he can reach his goals, you will be speaking a language most men readily understand. Ask him about his own ideas for solving his problems. Working together, offer other possible solutions he may not have considered, and discuss the pros and cons of them with him. However, do not come on too strong, and do not problem-solve to the exclusion of understanding and sympathizing with his experience.

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